It's just you and me.

Yeah so Kmart and The WB is having a contest. If you dress like your favorite WB character, you could possibly win a walk-on part on your show as that person.

I want to dress like Lane Kim from Gilmore Girls. I'm asian and I'm really korean. Besides this one boy thought that I was her. That might have been flattering, but I don't think it's that cool if it's coming from a boy that watches Gilmore Girls.

I'm not trying to say anything, but there might be something wrong with him...



"This isn't a period, it's more like an ellipses."


Didn't go to that gallery. I don't think I will. Nice try Dailycandy but no way!

Tonight is going to be hookah night. peace.

There's beauty in the breakdown.

So I got this free issue of SPIN magazine at Siren Festival last weekend and I've just started reading it. I can't believe how sarcastic some of these writers are. They make me feel as though they're just telling a story about this show they went to or this new album that they heard. I enjoy stories like that much more than the conventional ones that you read in the Times.
There were a lot of political remarks made. Mainly because this is the time of the election year where real thought has to go into who you want as your next leader. Thinking about it makes me scared. I'm 19, I vote, I choose who I want to be the next president of the United States of America?!?!?! That's a lot of responsibility even if your vote is one in the whole United States. Even those campaign projects to get younger voters tells us that "your vote counts."

Mega creepy.

New song obsession: Frou Frou "Let Go". I find myself just analyzing the lyrics and responding to what the singer is telling me. Phrases like "Let go," "There's beauty in the breakdown." It completely speaks to me. Not me on a personal level, but how there is so much beauty in the world. I sound like that guy obsessed with the plastic bag in American Beauty. Everyone should go download this song and really listen to it. There's a sense of freedom and floating to it. Like you can jump off that bridge and float across the water. Hogwarts does exist and love is just hiding underneath that tea cup.

It's beautiful. Beautiful to watch tears fall, to envision the world through the streaks in your hair, to watch the light reflect in rain puddles outside. No worries, nothing to do and just see how beautiful this whole entire thing we call the world is. Now, if there only was a president who also saw that way. He/She's got my vote.

I won't let her make me back down on my own thoughts.

I can't wait until this summer is over and I can go back to classes. I know that college is sucky, but I just don't want to sit on my butt all day looking at a computer screen and praying for something to fall on someone outside or there be a fire that will take out the rest of Manhattan. I need to do something and I get these daily emails from people asking me to go out and check out the world that is.

Yay. Time to do more work and stop complaining that my life is a meaningless void that I can't fill with mounds and mounds of paperwork.

Peace.

There are things better left unsaid. Like the fact the days are forever long. Or the way bathroom lights shine on your forehead in the most unattractive way. People don't mention them because they are the little details we always fail to leave out. I promised myself I would never leave out the details and the one time that I did, I get caught. I get slaughtered. I become my own stinking corpse. The pink elephant.

What's going on here? How many times do I have to scream it out before it is fully understood that I'm sorry.

Who will save us all?

I just got back from the eighties dance party. It wasn't really a dance party but more of a club with a lot of eighties music. They played a lot of the cure, the smiths, and madonna. I had such a great time tonight. I haven't had a great time like that since forever. I can't even remember and I didn't spend a dime.

So here were the highlights:

1. We got there in fifteen minutes but spent an hour looking for parking.

2. Once there, we went inside to a completely dark but well air-conditioned room.

3. Danced the night away with a whole bunch of old creepy men staring at us.

4. I don't get hit on by any guy but some old creepy asian who was drunk out of
his mind. I told him that I was a recovering alcoholic and that he couldn't buy me a drink.

5. I don't dance with guys, but with girls. ONe of them (Nicole) who is the sweetest girl ever feels me up. That was my first and last lesbian experience. Later I found her pretty much dry humping this girl on top of a table.

6. There is a goth party going on below the club and Bhagli and I go to investigate. We find out there's only like 5 people there just listening to techno.

7. Bhagli got drunk and smoked a whole pack of cigarettes.

8. I smoked a cigarette (ooooo, me so baaaaaaaaaad).

9. Watch this guy lay on the floor and watch people walk all over him. He was suppose to be a rug and everyone was just beating the shit out of him especially his groin.

10. Came home at three.


It was hilarious and fun at the same time. I can't believe that they have those things in the city. I haven't hung out in a long time and I wish I could do it more.

Tomorrow I'm hittin' up the museum while everyone I know goes to DEVO with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Bastards.


Love.

Whoa

I had a strange dream last night. There were these guys. Some I wished would talk to me in high school and others that I guess my mind thought had a crush on me (fat, bald, old, smelly). Anyway, the strangest part was that they were just coming up to me and telling me that I wasn't worth the crush.

I was confused, but when I found out that the only person that I thought I could have a lasting relationship. He and I had a...thing that didn't last that long because my committment problems struck again (I don't have these problems anymore. at least i don't think i do). I told him that I didn't want anything serious, actually i didn't want anything at all.

In my dream, he was telling all these guys that I wasn't worth it. That I would break their hearts and that I'm actually out to get them all.

How mean! And for a split second in time I believed that it would work out with him. Damn him. I BE MOVIN' ON! Well, I've already moved on so bah! Get out of my head evildoer!

What I really feel

I love the fact everyone has learned to have fun.



I hate the fact everyone is lonely.

I've been reading a lot of people's journals and I don't mean just my friends. I've been reading non-friends and sometimes complete strangers. There's a pattern. This pattern has been forming into a constant breath that doesn't seem to be exhaling any time soon. Everyone is alone, everyone is lonely. The difference?


well, you can be alone in the physical. Alone as in one person, "the cheese stands alone" - type of feeling and everyone is OK with that once in awhile.

Lonely is when you are emotionally alone. There is no bodies around you or even ones that care. They abandon, forget, or ignore. THis is the type of lonliness that no one should ever feel. Even those crazy people inside Insane Asylums have friends. They might recognize them as friends, but they aren't lonely. They always have some attention to grasp and someone to cottle.

Everyone feels lonely these days. it is if all the people in the world ahve suddenly distracted themselves long enough to be completely oblivious to the rest of the world. That's what I feel is happening. We pass down the street and all we see are these bodies. We aren't alone in a dark alley, but you can defintely feel lonely. All I read are thoughts about how incredibly lonely the world has brought them down.

I've lived a long time with the lonely. I have become accustomed and I know I don't want to be lonely anymore. But I can't escape it so I won't bother with the complaining. I know that one day something magical will happen and I won't have to be lonely anymore, but as for now I don't care.

As for those who are feeling lonely, I feel bad. No one should ever be lonely or alone.

Underneath it All

Summer has definitely been dragging on. Just like any good kid, I've been dreaming of school during the summer and dreaming of summer during school.

What's strange about this year than any other year is that I'm spending my summer in school working in an office. Isn't that great? I help a lot of people by giving them misinformation because I don't care enough to remember everything the counselors tell me.

When I get home, I'm going to watch tv or sleep because those two options are the only things I can't do in the office.


Oh yeah, there's a new exhibit at the American Museum of Natural History. Guess what it is: FROGS!

It sounds sooo superly interesting and I want to go desparately. Unfortunately, I feel sad when I give only a dollar as a donation. I would give the suggested price, but then what would I eat?

Someone want to come with me to the museum? I might actually save up some moolah so I can go in the planetarium and watch the star show. Usually that's a cool show and they spray water on you.