Incredible Memory

It's amazing how you can listen to the first chord of an old album and be completely transported back to another time.

Album: Dido "No Angel"
It reminds me of the years my mother worked for American Eagle Outfitters and spending time sitting at her desk looking out the towering windows of her small office. It was "Take Your Child to Work" Day and I was the oldest person in the conference room. 14. Anything to get a day off from school and have an excuse for it.

It also reminds me of the trip of my life. The first of hopefully many years of traveling and seeking and searching the world for everything beautiful. I had lost all of my cds on the trip to Israel. This was the only album to survive.

Album: System of a Down "Toxicity"
It reminds me of my high school years. I wasn't much of a rebel, but my friends and I would scream these songs down the hall and all through the auditorium after school. It was when I realized that all the misfits seem to flock to me.


I've got to stop listening to music that reminds me of high school.

Update: I've been moving along with the felt projects. Not much progress has been made since the last time I posted about it, but I should be receiving some supplies in the mail today that will make it easier to create. There will be some stuff up soon. Perhaps I'm going to also sell all those old scarves I've knitted but never sold. The things I do to keep occupied.

Elvis Perkins: A Find by Monsieur

Le Monsieur had alerted me to the alarmingly beautiful melodies of Elvis Perkins.

Just listen.

She & Him & Me & You & Us & Them

Saw She & Him last night at Skirball Center in NYU. Loved them, but Zooey Deschanel was a little on the boring/bored side. Kinda threw off the entire performance.

Here's some youtube footage I found from the show last night.



yes, i love her.
no, i'm not a lesbian.

Ricky Nelson is Such a Dreamboat

Oh if only you were still alive. I would take you out of Lonesome Town.

The Old Projects

I'm posting photos of my old projects just to have them on file here.









There's few others that I made that I never took photos of. One was a set of balloons with one red one that floated off and the other is an owl t-shirt I made for my sister. It was a collborative effort because she had been really into spraypainting stencils at the time.

the princess coat

My work in progress. They'll become princess coats soon.



The work station needs to be tidy.



Another shot of my brave little girl. She's pretty big. I've got to get a better camera.

And Bravery Goes To A Little Girl

And Bravery goes to a little girl.

I made this last night. It was a prototype of what's to come. I've already started cutting out this pattern in many array of colors. Mostly, I'm just making them from scraps. I'm not sure how to put them on though. They're too big to be a brooch, so they can be patches. Perhaps I will do a small tote bag with these or something.
Hmm. Or maybe I'll just sell them as patches to put on anything.

I think what I'm going to do is aim towards things little girls would do and play with. Just for now. I'll probably end up changing my ideas like I have the past twenty times. Maybe it will work out because I can go from being a little girl to being a teenager with makeup and heavy metal music or something.

The Whale Shark

As I was looking up some possible animals to create from felt (I will get to that at another time), I found this terrible photo-shopped picture of some fishermen cutting up a whale shark like they were cutting up some lumber.



Look how sad the little shark looks. Well, you can't really tell because his head is chopped off, but you must understand how he feels and such.

Postings From Sympathetique

I should explain myself.

I am a collector of online journals. I have been struggling to keep things for very long. I have half-filled journals and half-done projects because something happens and I don't want to be interested in the things I've been doing.

So I collect these journals. I've waited too long to revive an old journal and now it's gone. Those were the middle years when I wasn't sure about what I was doing or feeling.

Sympathetique is the years from starting college to the one person who almost destroyed me.

Good thing all that is in the past, but I found some great writing I thought I should share to the 3 people that actually read this thing.

Enjoy.

Postings From Sympathetique

when do little boys go from t-shirts, jeans, and sneakers to business suits with unmatching brown loafers?
it's the phase from when innocence depletes and the object of money arises. The sudden urge to make a living, comfortable, secure. Husband, wife, kids, dog, white picket fence. When does a boy go from little league dugouts to little league cubicles. where the only light of day he receives is the light shining from his computer. gray and white spots tranquilly dance across the monitor. gray hairs, bald heads, erectal disfunction. when does a boy go from love struck to struck out in love. the intimate moments with teenage girls in their pre-pubescence becomes intimate moments with a television. porno, sex, wet dreams, catholic school girls. when does a boy go from laying on the grass of soccer fields to smoking the grass from a glass pipe? where does the division of manhood and childhood end? peer pressure, drug wars, gang bangs, tripped out cars, fucked up girls.

boys to men in less than three seconds. first it's the tie, then it's the brown loafers with the blue suit.
finally it's the miserable existence in suburbia. their boy will relive what exactly the man has lost. and he will remember, he will remember and wish that he had just held on to that little boy for a little bit longer.

We All Get Sad

"So I've been getting sad on days where it's gray or the entire winter."
"You have seasonal depression."
"Really? Dammit! That blows."
"Yeah it is. The only cure: distract yourself."
"Well, I'm going to make some totes and stuff."

Quotes of the Day

Why must you taunt me with your lies?!?!

Give me my quote to live by!

The Pope is in Town! The Pope is in Town!

Who would have ever thought that I would ever be excited to have someone who wears a dress and a funky hat and basically is the leader of all Catholics come into the greatest city next to the Roman Empire.

The pope is in town with his funky holiness and boy am I thrilled. What I'm waiting to see is definitely some footage from Yankee Stadium of the great man blessing perhaps a gigantic cereal bowl of communion wafers and perhaps a pool filled with sacramental wine.

The Times is on the beat since is New York City and why wouldn't the Times not write about something going on in their own hometown?

I thought it would be appropriate if the photo of the Pope was on the right side of the post rather than on the left side since, you know, he's like the RIGHT HAND man of God?

So I was reading this Times article and apparently he has a jet called "Shepard One" which I kind of think is a little too much, but when you're the Pope anything is possible (ie: stigmata, miracles, plagues, see Bible for more details).

A Little Youtube Action: Strictly Ballroom

This has got to be my favorite scene from one of my favorite films. When it comes to dance films like this, it's always the final scene with the crazy dancing that gets me. Take for instance the final scene of Center Stage.

It's not compelling, but it's damn good dancing.

I googled Strictly Ballroom and found its IMDB.com mate. I wanted to check up on what those fellow New Zealanders are doing in the world and sadly, they've stuck to the bountiful coasts of the island down under.

And the mom, Mrs. Hastings, well she died before the film even premiered. Tragic.

Good Luck Chuck

I watched this fun-filled adventure film last night and my jaw was on the floor...pretty much the entire film.

Reasons for my jaw being on the floor:

- Crazy sex scenes
- A sex montage
- Sex with fat people
- Sex with old women
- Lots of sex

Also other reasons for this being a semi-good film:

- Dane Cook's naked body

Yeah. That's about it. I wouldn't own this movie, but if you have Netflix you can probably sacrifice a dvd delivery for this one.

I Want To Be An Octopus

Forever 21 has now come out with a line of clothing to make you look like aquatic sea creatures. Actually, no. This is just from their spring/summer collection of ugly tops.

The Shift Change

It's everyday at the same stop at the same time.

9:16AM
Broadway and Bedford
Brooklyn, NY

The bus would come to a screeching halt. Even if it were to move at a slow pace of 20mph, it will still come to a screeching halt. Edward, the early morning bus driver, would pull the bus up corner and wave people onto the bus. The passengers would line up to slide their cards into the meter. It would ding if the card was good.

Finally, the last passenger would ride. He was the reflection of the driver, but there wasn't any surprise. There wasn't a gasp or a raising of the eyebrows. They shook hands. The man who got on the bus even slapped him on the shoulder and wished him good day.

Edward removed his seatbelt and stood up. He grabbed his jacket and things and left the bus like a passenger who has arrived to his destination.

This driver's name was Steven. He was 6'4", of fair skin and wore his clothes very small. You could see the navy blue socks underneath his uniform. Steven carefully removed his jacket and placed it on the hook behind the driver's seat. He adjusted the seat, the rear-view window, and punched his identification number into the small pad above his head. He was ready to depart as the late morning bus driver for the B61.

He felt the knob of the gear shift in his hand, but before pulling away from the stop or preparing for departure he pulled back into his chair. One of his side-view mirrors was off.

He takes hold of the pipes and balances out his weight by floating above the steps. The door is wide open as he shifts the mirror from left to right in order to have the perfect view. All that can be seen by the passengers is half a man sticking out of a public transportation bus.

He climbs back into the bus, fixes his shirt, sits back down and slams the pole restricting passengers from touching the driver.

The bus begins to screech to start and head out towards Broadway.

I am 15 minutes late.

Loving Love and My List of Loving Love

Yesterday, in Korea, was Black Day which is basically to celebrate the sad and depressing lives of single people everywhere. If you don't believe me, here's the proof

It made me think of three things: love, relationships, black noodles.

Mmmmm.

Anyway, I have come up with the list of reasons why I love love. They're not corny like "romance, flowers, candy, etc" (although I do have a theory about all those three things), but things that I see that strike up the feeling to be in love ie: the tingles, runny nose, blurry vision, obsessively hugging your loved one.

• scenes in movies where the two main characters kiss passionately for the first time.
• really good music with a lot of heart-felt lyrics and moody melodies.
• watching old people (on the street, in a restaurant, in the park) holding hands.
• dogs and people playing with dogs.
• people losing a loved one.
• people finding a loved one.
• Cat Power.
• listening to someone profess a secret love they've had on their friend
• friends who turn into lovers
• lovers who turn into friends
• The Parent Trap
• Enchanted
• Unrequited Love
• Ugly people who fall in love with Beautiful people
• Beautiful people for letting themselves love the Ugly people
• Any Disney film

And that is my list. Mind you, this is my own thoughts. Finally, I promised I would tell you my theory about flowers, candy and romance so here it is:

Flowers to make a woman blush
Candy to make a woman smile
Romance to make a woman love you more.

You've probably heard that somewhere else or someone else said it better than me. It's not guidelines, but a way of looking at love (especially those men).

Close to Tears

You almost got me, Bridge to Terabithia. You almost had me, but you can't get me even if you kill a kid.

The Power of the Mass Market

I have been perusing the Barnes and Noble website lately mainly because I've been in the search for a good book. I have an exaggerated amount of books sitting on my shelves that I haven't even touched or read the first couple of pages of, but once in a while I get this crazy urge to purchase books. They're my impulse buys. People buy outfits and clothing and shoes and bags and other unnecessary items. My unnecessary item is books. I can buy and buy and buy books, but never read them.

I had even spoken to Le Monsieur about it once and he told me that even if I were to stop buying books and start reading all the ones on my shelf, I would never finish them.

"You will always lose interest. There will be better and bigger things for you to read out there and you will never read all of the ones you want to read in your lifetime."

He is somewhat correct. Even if I were to stop buying books, stop reading reviews, stop searching the shelves for something compelling and intriguing and life changing, I would never finish the books.

So, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

As I digress, I was looking through the Barnes and Noble website (I have a wishlist there too if you want to purchase me any books. Used is fine) and I noticed that most of the top 100 best-selling books out there are mass market produced novels.



Ah yes, the mass market books. Books that you can take on the subway and read in a sitting. Books that don't require you to change your life or make you feel smarter. If anything, they're there for you to feel a little less smart (in a good way).

I'm just surprised by the list because I had interned at one of the most prominent book publishing companies reading and editing and filing all these mass market "maybes". I was impressed by the submissions and the decision process to have this small manuscript become a published novel. The fact that they were so selective made me suspicious to how many books are out there.

Well, this list of 100 best-selling books with most of them being mass-market/trade chicklit/romance is pretty much my answer.

Ok, no more blabbing. Buy my books!

The Bored Generation

I think it's best to say that we are the generation of the lazy.

Why do I say this? Because I want to be lazy.

If You're Wondering About My "Stories"

Well, you shouldn't. I write them, I just don't have the courage to publish them. Most of the stories are incomplete anyway. I always get side-tracked or something comes up that I don't have time at that specific moment to finish writing them.

If you don't believe me, well here's a photo of proof:



Do you see the progress? Anyway, it's all I've been thinking about for a while. You know, stories. Those things that I write.

Damn it, I have no motivation. Someone guide me!

Shakira's Other Half

I was perusing through the different corners of Youtube tonight when I found an interesting video by Shakira.

I purchased this album about two or three years ago when I was still in college and I particularly loved this song not because I understood what they were talking about but because I loved how it sounded.

Then I watched the video and my life has changed.

What's Happenin' Hawaii?

Le Monsieur sent me a link to a website that shows live footage from things that are happening in Hawaii. I clicked on the camera in Waikiki beach. Just for you Hawaiians out there: I'm watching you!



Gosh, MS Paint. Why can't I work you? If I had photoshop, this would be so much better.

Hell, if I had a mac...

Somebody's Getting MAAAAARRRRRIIIIEEEEEEDDD

I love the Muppets. I love Muppets Take Manhattan.

I love this scene:

A Perfectly Manicured Apple Hand

So I was perusing the Apple.com website when I went to check out the Apple Ipods. I figured, "hey, mine is dying. why not invest in a new one now. maybe something with a little more oompf?"

I followed my own advice and wandered towards the Ipod classics. I don't know what people have against this little guy. I know Monsieur is completely against it. "it's not practical," he says. "They're making newer and better ones and you want the old one?" he goes on.

Ugh. As I'm browsing through the details and specs of the ipod, I notice something very odd about the display.



Has anyone noticed how well-manicured this man's hand looks? Yes, I know it's of a male hand model, but check out the nails? Have you ever seen such nails emaculate.

Trust me, I'm a woman. I have long nails once in a while and they always get filled with dirt and other icky things so I'm surprised that this man -a man who probably gets dirty doing man things- has absolutely no flaws about his fingers.


Oh wait, I just realized. They're photoshopped. You had me going there for a minute, Apple. You crazy wild beast.

Rufus Was Here

"If you're looking for answers here, baby
I've got none. I spend my time finding
Searching for some.

And I've got this cute little collection
Of Questions and Answers,
But none of them sort out the need
I have for love."

Margaret read the words from her notebook like leaves falling from the trees. Her timing was flawless and her delivery was optimal. She could hear her echoing voice reverberating off the walls and back into her ears. She knew she always had the confidence to speak out but never the confidence to speak.

"These pillow-shaped lines
Cover pillow-shaped minds
With fool's blood.
And boy, can I taste it."

The room fell silent before the first burst of applause rang through the tiny room. She remembered when she was young how easy it was to recite her heart to a packed house of stuffed animals and porcelain-faced dolls.

That was her only motivation tonight. She saw the faces of her family and friends melt away into faces of Kiki, her porcelain doll from Russia. It was the only thing her mother had brought back from when she went on a business trip. She could see her mother's face and picture the porcelain doll with her rosy cheeks and bright red lips. It was the only doll she cherished from her childhood and it was suiting to imagine her mother with that face.

Then there was Lester, the poodle stuffed animal her first boyfriend had won her at the All-County Fair three summers ago. It was a little corny and cliched to be winning your girl a doll, but Margaret didn't mind. It was her first real boyfriend and first real experience with dating.

Finally, there was Rufus. Rufus wasn't a stuffed animal or a porcelain doll. Rufus wasn't anything that ever existed in real life. It was the fictional character of Margaret's mind. He was the applause after the poetry session was over. He was the smiles on the dolls' faces while they stayed expressionless. He was the hug, the pat on the back, the rose on the stage, the bouts of "bravo" heard across the auditorium walls.

But Rufus wasn't there anymore. Sadly, the idyllic friend disappeared just like her stuffed animals. He only exists in the light of her audience's eyes. She smiled, bowed, and took her stand off the stage. Next up was the twin girls with flaming batons.

True Story

"You're my tape."

"Your what?"

"My tape."

"What?"

"Tape!"

"Why am I your tape?"

"Because you hold me together."


The sweetest words ever.

Enchanted by Enchanted

I think I'm on view #4 or #5 of Disney's Enchanted starring Amy Adams and Patrick Dempsey.

It brings me back to the days when I was a little girl and I wanted so much for my prince to come to my rescue. I think the whole idea of having an animated character come to life really helps out with little girls who are having trouble coping with becoming a woman and staying a princess.

Well, at least that's how I feel whenever I watch the movie. I want to be a little girl in a fairy tale world. Anyway, I only bring this up because I have one of the great songs from the movie in my head. Here's the clip. I'm off to Wonderland.

Vows

He made me smile today.

What do you mean he made you smile today? Doesn't he make you smile everyday?

Not exactly.

I don't get it. You love the guy but he doesn't make you smile everyday?

Well, most of the time we are laughing.
****************************************************

I'm trying to figure out whether or not it will be a good idea to write things in my journal that will cognitively promote what I'm trying to express.

You know. Cognitively. Yeah, that's a big word.

In the past, I was able to write these emotion-filled ballads of hate and terror I had for the future. I've grown up a lot since then and it feels like it's getting better. The words that come out aren't as depressing as before and I have come to the realization that my life isn't dramatic in the least.

And lately, it seems like I write to impress. I want people to read my blog, but I don't want to sound like a constant advertisement for something that I don't want to be selling which is me.

I'm going over my youth and my livejournal(s), deadjournal, anything. I almost feel like I've lost my sense of writing ability. It's going to be a short road back to the way I used to write. Perhaps all this college nonsense has completely destroyed any sense of writing I used to have.

Hmm...well, I promise from this moment that the words I write in this blog and the words that I write will never reflect the feeling to sell/buy/trade anything in my life that is way too precious to give away.

Messing Up at Apple.com

It's so funny when you're reading the daily newspaper and you see a grammar mistake or a spelling error that could have easily been overlooked. There's tons of print, you can see it all.

But what is hilarious is when you see straight up "copy/paste" action from a reputable company. It probably won't be up for too long. Someone might catch it before tomorrow morning so I went ahead and copy/pasted it myself.

It's for the movie Sex and Death 101 coming out this friday in theatres I guess.

Below is the general info for Anchor Bay Entertainments April 4th release, Sex and Death 101 starring Simon Baker and Winona Ryder, please let me know if there is anything else you need of me.

The best part is that it's from an email or something. Hilarious to me.

Seriously Into Voxtrot

Ok, my favorite band has been changing weekly. A couple of days ago I was ranting and raving about Jeff Buckley and The Pierces, but now I'm completely involved with Voxtrot.

I find my interests in bands like this to be some sort of relationship that lasts about a few good hard listens and then finding something else that grabs my attention. I have some sort of musical ADD.

I have to admit, it's the pop music that makes me happy and alive and glad to be listening to music. I'm not saying that I listen to Britney Spears or Avril Lavigne, but it's a pop-like flavor that doesn't completely bring you down but doesn't completely lift your spirits either. It's a push and pull situation where you can't quite figure out why you like it, but you don't deny to your friends that you do either.

Once again, I've had this album for months but decided to listen to them now because it seemed fitting somehow. I was in the mood for finding some sort of nirvana when it comes to music and I can feel the souls of my favorite musicians in this one band: Wilco, The Beatles, The Mountain Goats, and Mika (well, I'm not a fan of Mika but his voice definitely reminds me of him). I keep on finding this great music that I would have never listened to but trusted my friends to give me some great suggestions.

And Voxtrot fuels this guilty pleasure. I've always enjoyed the musical side of the music, but it's got to be the lyrics that really make a song for me. It has to somehow touch my "soul" and light the flame of my pathetic life. And it has to be lyrically exhausting (sometimes).

Of course, I have my favorite song so here it goes:



Every day I picture things falling down
Landscape all tossed around
In cities I start to drown
But when I stop to push the fear out of me
Come steady my shaking knees
And drag the roots out to sea

And it's hard to be steeped in your gaze
You're always drinking me, I have no place
To be awkward and silent
Spoil your tongue with my silence
My flavor happens inside this
There is no love without trying
There is no easy way when I

Crane my neck to kiss your head, I know
That there is something that I can rely on
And when I strain my thoughts to push this thread I sew
It's some kind of future that I can be sure of

Oh I'm just breathing air
Contracts on everything
Reluctant and measuring
The food that we choose to bring
But I can trace an invisible piece of string
Connects between you and me
Like symbols of property

Oh when I recognize, cut from a cloth
Always solid and breathing
You and I retract like swans
Always advance and receding
Believe in something worth eating
Share love in something like feeding
There is no trust without meaning
There is no easy way when I

Crane my neck to kiss your head, I know
That there is something that I can rely on
And when I strain my thoughts to push this thread I sew
It's some kind of future that I can be sure of

And I wonder why there is no choice in the things that we hear
We hear our lives inside these sounds
There's nothing good on the radio
There's never anything good on
There's never anything good on
There's nothing good on the radio
There's never anything so I stop to sing
And these things come rushing from behind
Life is changing so fast and there's nothing I can do to stop it
But when I crane my neck to kiss your head, I know
That there is something that I can rely on
And when I strain my thoughts to push this thread I sew
It's some kind of future that I can be sure of

Because I love you, because I love you
Because I love you, because I love you


I'll probably have another album and musician to love tomorrow. Maybe St. Vincent. I've been really getting into her lately...

Not the Best Prankster in the World

As everyone knows, it is April Fools' Day today. I am not the best prankster in the world so the only thing I could come up with is:

an email to my boyfriend saying that i didn't love him anymore.

Yes, it's untrue. It didn't really effect him either because I only wrote that I didn't love him anymore in the subject of the email. In the body, I admitted to my stupid prank and how unsuccessful it would be.

I was thinking back to when I was a kid and thinking of the worst thing you can ever wish for someone. What did I come up with? Wishing someone would never fall in love.

People go through their loves (at least some people) searching the ends of the Earth to find someone to love. It's the most precious thing in the world and it can be taken away as easily as it is given. it's a treasure of sorts and to never live life without it is completely immoral.

Telling someone that they hope they never fall in love is scary. I've said it a few times, yes, but I completely regret the entire phrase the moment it slips from my mouth.

To never fall in love...It's just so difficult to fathom. It probably has happened before and I feel bad for the people who have to endure it.

I think the worst is when you tell someone that they should never fall in love and BOOM! You're pretty much jinxed for the rest of your life. It's a really deadly weapon come to think of it.

So that's the end of my spiel called love. Still not the best prankster in the world.

Things that Bug Me About Blogs

Here is a list of topics you will never see me write about:

• the pains of reality
• my relationship with my boyfriend and/or the struggles for maintaining a long-term relationship
• what I have accomplished/didn't accomplish within the day.
  
• my family
• vague, unexplained issues with my life that i'm struggling to process in my head
• my apartment troubles
• the worst copy ideas of my life

Here is a list of topics you will see me talk about frequently:

• new writing ideas/intros to stories i'm starting
• spur of the moment thoughts i have in my head (explained in detail)
• songs/music that i'm currently listening to and their effect in my current life
• photos of spontaneously inspirational items
• my friends
• the time
• complaints about...everything
• new, awesome things that i encounter and think you should encounter too
• lists

There you go.