Be Careful When You Fight the Monsters

Who the hell decided it would be cool to overpower art with money? Hell, who's idea was it to take something as beautiful and delicate as a piece of artwork and turn it into something so trivial and pathetic as money. You make art to make money? Unfair.

My work is pathetic. My work is to make money. And every day I can feel a piece of my soul freezing and breaking off. I try to fight it off. I try to fight off the cold distant future of sell sell sell with warm feelings of good hopes. I want to make money yes, but it is the farthest thing from my mind.

Let's start a blog only for the sole purpose to make more money. Where are the logistics here? There is no logical thinking when it comes to money because money runs and makes everything.

I was not put on this world to make money. I wasn't given a talent like writing or creating just to see it wasted away on something like retail or overpriced food and clothing or meaningless pieces of artwork to decorate some meaningless piece of land.

I'm so frustrated. I'm so angry with myself that this is the only thing that runs through my mind every single day of my life. I wake up in the morning and think about the ways I have to make money today. The get-rich-quick schemes. I'm a hustler of a small corporation that lost its base of reason and understanding of what is right and what is artistic. A company that is only interested in using skills like art, music, and writing in order to sell more more more.

"The reason is to sell."
"Our bottom line is to sell."
"We need to make more money."
Etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc!!

I think of the president of the company as a young girl making and creating things with her hands. Then later creating something as beautiful as life itself. I see her abstract art be punished and praised at galleries in her youth. Now, the only thing she talks about is money, margins, goals, percentages, graphs, charts, prices.

money money money

"Be careful when you fight the monsters, lest you become one."

Only Sick Music Makes Money Today

I just got a bunch of music from my friend Kyle and besides me being really into it, it's really psychedelic. Like tripping on acid or doing mushrooms and then watching "Hair" or some crazy movie from the 70's. One of those movies that help induce a good trip rather than a bad trip.

Anyway, I only mention this because it seems like the curve of music has been moving towards that angle: make it good, make it slow, have tambourines and terrible guitars, oh and make sure to take sheets of acid while you do it.

I'm not the type of person who will criticize any genre of music without listening to it, so I have been taking the measures to enjoy this type. It's good. It's the type of music where you need to be in a certain mood to listen to it. So, I changed it to Wreckless Eric.

After watching "Stranger Than Fiction," I needed that song from the movie. The one where Will Ferrell's character sings "Whole Wide World" to Maggie Gyllenhaal and then they have sex? Yeah, that scene.

So I downloaded the song and read some reviews and people were extremely critical. "Yeah, he's super weird." "Be careful listening to this album because he may freak you out."

I only heard a couple of lyrics from one of his lyrics and it talked about feminine spray? That is kinda weird, but my love for music will prevail beyond crazy lyrics about feminine hygiene products.

Anyway, this is my morning by the way. I did this all this morning. Also, open the screen shot to read some of the bands Kyle gave me and don't be closed minded. The last thing I tolerate is someone who will shut off their sense of everything because they're stubborn.

Whole Wide World by Wreckless Eric

What's Running Through My Head?

I Look At Her and I Find What I'm Missing.
I look at her and I can't stop staring.
Whenever I'm in a rut or in a dark spot,
I think of her and her smile makes me smile.
What causes me to feel this way?
I have no idea.

The Xanax doesn't help.
The Prozac doesn't help.
Neither do the vallium,
codene,
or weed.

She is no imaginary person.
She is no figment of my imagination.
She keeps everything that I want
and everything I love safe with her.
So when I get back,
she'll be there with it all.

All my hopes and dreams.
I keep them in a box with her.
All my love and affection.
I keep them in her heart.

And when I get back,
I will have them all safely with me.
Safely with her.

When I get back, I will love her.

Suggestion Box

Suggest me some new bands to listen to
A new dress I should wear
A new recipe I should try
A new blog/book I should read

Things for my blog
Things to improve
Things to take out


Go ahead. Make the posts long. Make them count. Comment now!

Share Memories

There is this one song by Devendra Banhart that makes me think of sweet summer days and fields of grass and sun dresses and warm breezes. Sadly, the song is about losing relationships and finding new things and remembering the old.

And loving the old.
And hoping for new.

I remember when I was a kid, I promised I would live my life as seasons rather than as days and months and years and so on and so forth. I didn't want to get caught up in what day it was and what time it is. So what I did was I forgot about the days and that good nonsense and started to follow the seasons. Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer. Soon enough, I would be waking up to another new day in a new season and I would forget my age, my birthday, any other important dates and just follow the seasons. I would just remember dates by what season it takes place in.

That was high school though. Sometimes, I think high school made more sense to me than I give it credit for. I was still disappointed with my high school experience and cherished my college experience more, but high school made me more analytical and theoretical.

Anyway, I think I'm going to make a trip up to Albany to see a good friend from high school who knows me better than I know myself. I miss her so much.

I Am Collecting Beautiful Objects

I haven't been listening to Sigur Ros on repeat, but I thought I should share some insight and show you some of the most beautiful music videos I have ever watched in my life.

If He Asked Me, I Would Say No

My brain is racking up thoughts again. I guess the best analogy for this action is to describe it as a game of pool. My brain racks up the thoughts like all the brightly colored balls of a pool game. It stores them together in an organized way, but then I hit them all with the cue ball. They scatter and some go directly into the pocket, but the others just scatter to different parts of my brain making me figure out ways to hit them into the pockets.

That might be a terrible analogy for it, but when my mind starts working with ideas and thoughts and theories and analogies, the only thing I can do about it is to just take a breath, get my pen out, put on a song and write it down.

I've been thinking lately about a current situation I am in. I don't want to get stuck or get caught up in something with no absolute future. No absolute solution. However, I find myself getting more and more settled into an old idea; something that was abandoned due to lack of control over the forces of my life and such and such.

Anyway, I gave Sable "Now Is the Hour" by Tom Spanbauer to read. She loves it so far as I would imagine. I loved it and would actually love to read it again because his circumstances are so much more difficult than the circumstances a person is in right now. I don't have his problems, I don't have his restrictions, I don't have his pain. I've always known that I wanted to feel like a girl running through a field of grass and flowers. No problems.

No stresses.
No worries.
Nothing but the clothes on my back, the warm sunset, and the scent of the outdoors in my hair and on my skin.

But we all get caught up in life. Things keep moving forward and the best that I can do is move with it.

Or I can defy it. Either way, the way things are moving in the current situation is scaring me. Things are moving forward and I kinda want to stay where I am in this position. It's a sticky situation, but if worst comes to worst I have to tell the truth.

Today is the day of babbling brooks. Lots of stream of consciousness in my posts. Hopefully, I'll have some decent thoughts tomorrow.

Halloween Gameface

Do Not Be Afraid

The pen was in my hand. I had my hand inches away from the contract, but I couldn't make contact. I couldn't let the pen touch the page.

I don't know what happened between the last five minutes, but I can feel a vast array of emotions running through my head. Happiness, sadness, worry, freedom, imprisonment, etc. Will this go against everything I believe in? Will I settle now that I have a much more secure income and job and life?

Suddely, I feel tears well in my eyes and the stinging begins. Am I having a moral dilemma? I think I may be the only person in the world who would refuse to sign a contract that would give me a raise in pay and a promotion. I know that times are tough right now because of the financial crisis and that I should take what I can get. But then people don't understand that I have a dream to fulfill. I have several dreams to fulfill.

And then I realized that I don't need to find myself bound down to a piece of paper. I don't have to go off using my writing skills in order to sell a bar of soap or a pair of jeans. Those are my day job. I feel like Superman when I say this, but I want to write and be a writer and know myself as a writer, but at the same time I need a secret identity to cover it all up.

Yes, I did get a promotion. I am now the Customer Relations Coordinator which means any kind of communication between the company and the customer will go through me. I am a middle man.

The part that bothers me the most is that I'm so afraid. I have been listening to the Microphones steadily throughout the past couple of weeks and there is this one song called "Do Not Be Afraid" which basically means don't be afraid of the elements. He goes on to talk about the mountains and the forest and nature in general. The Microphones/Mount Eerie loves those things. He uses references to nature in practically all of his songs. And I digress.

The point of the song is that I shouldn't be afraid of what's going to happen in the future. Nature is inevitable. Fate is inevitable. There is no way of guessing how it's all going to pan out because we can't see into the future and we can only hope that it will be good. I find myself in this dilemma where I see myself in the future and I only hope for the best for me and my loved ones, but this is in my dreams. I open my eyes and my reality is the same. I'm young, ambitious, slightly driven, and completely obsessed with the idea that dreams are so possible. Dreams can come true no matter who the person is or the circumstances.

And so I put the pen back on the page and work my ass off on another story I have big plans for. I'm not going to let this promotion get in my way of what I truly want. I won't let myself go bitter and make up excuses for not writing anymore. I'm going to drive myself and push myself and break away from this mess and always hope for the best.

Good Moods

I woke up today half asleep, but for some reason as the morning progressed, I feel so good. I think it's one of those good mornings and good days and good evenings.

I feel motivated and strong and just good all around. I'm working my buns off to become something more than what is prescribed to me now. I'm working on not letting the things in my life that make me negative, make me negative.

I'm working on stop being so whiney too.

And to add, M83 is a good band to listen to for when you want to get into a good mood without any mood enhancing drugs. Man, oh man. Listening to them at work right now makes my imagination really run wild. I can't even concentrate. It's so damn beautiful. You have to listen to them really loud too. With headphones. Noise-cancelling headphones so that you can't hear the phone ring or conversations in the conference rooms.

Grilled cheese wtf!!!!!!

I don't know what is going on or what is happening, but the past few times I've made grilled cheese, I burned it. I tried high heat, med heat, and low and the result is the same. Burnt bread, not melted cheese and crushed hopes for a delicious sandwich.

In the past I could do it and have the stringy mess you get when making grilled cheese but it's gone. I'm cursed. Perhaps its a sign. Perhaps this is suppose to show me that I need to expand my culinary comfort zone and make things that will be delicious and can be published in cookbooks but only the people I love will enjoy it.

We'll see. As for now, I am banning myself from making grilled cheese. I probably smell of its failed attempt.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Overheard a Super Dad

I only started paying attention to this father and son talking because the father was carrying a bag our company makes. Also, they were quite loud and I can hear them through my sound-canceling headphones.

"You run so fast I thought you were going to leave me," the son asks panting overdramatically from the corner to the bus stop.

"What? Ohana means family," the father said.

"Yeah, but you were going so fast that I thought you were going to leave without me."

"I would never leave you," he says.

"How do you know?"

"Well, that's part of the super powers daddy got when he became a daddy. I always know how far behind me you are too. One day when you become a daddy, you will get the super powers too."

The conversation goes on.

"I didn't know what you were going to be like when you were born," the father said. "You still surprise me everyday. If you ever want to become a daddy one day, I think you would do a good job because you like to take care of everyone."

I put my music back on.

Creative Hiatus

You know when I'm not writing much in my blog that I'm writing elsewhere. I apologize for the lack in blog posts.

It will get better, trust me.

I Feel Weird

I have a weird feeling today. Most days when I feel this way, I want to be alone and relax and just read and eat and whatever.

But today, I want to around someone. My friends, they're all supportive, but my weird feeling wants something else. I'm not even sure if it will help or harm the cause, but I want to give it a try. I just feel really weird and awkward and need a deep deep hug.

Find it home.

i felt your heart beating and it made me feel at home. i went into the kitchen and made myself a cup of tea as you were checked your email on my computer. i catch you staring at a photograph your mother had sent you. "look at this, this is funny."

i stare at the screen and begin to curl the corners of my lips into a smile. "it is."

then my room starts shaking and the dream is over.

***

So I'm going to start making my apartment feel more like home. I live there, but it feels so temporary. I don't like that feeling. I really like the apartment and when we first got it, the lady that gave it to us told us that all it needs is a little bit of TLC.

I've started baking there. I was pretty sure the oven was dead, but it really does work! The space I have is small, but I'm making due with what I have. The experience alone makes me excited.

I've devised a list of things that I want to do in order to improve my living conditions:

1. Call the office and super and get my pipes fixed as they are dripping and get the front doorknob fixed
2. Thoroughly clean once a week and mop twice a week
3. Paint my room
4. Decorate the walls with pretty things to look at
5. Get a screen for my bedroom window
6. Get my lazy roommates to finally pick up all of their crap (most difficult)
7. Fix my dresser drawers
8. Do something about the kitchen tiles and bathroom sink (can this be fixed if you live in a rented apartment?)

I really like my apartment. I really like Greenpoint. As much as the city has been appealing, I don't want to live there until I'm a bitter old lady living off my dead husband's life insurance money. I have my reasons for staying in Brooklyn but the main one is because I like waking up without the hustle and the bustle. I like sitting in my living room and watching Saturday Morning cartoons with a bowl of cereal and then moving onto the Dog Whisperer with my cup of coffee. I find it more inspirational than Manhattan as well. I know some people hate Brooklyn, but Brooklyn grows on you.

As for my apartment, I'm pretty sure that my landlord has some other apartments available in the same building or the other two that he owns right next door that might cost more, but worth it. I'm going to look into that when the year comes around.

Then, I'll turn it into a home.

On another little bit of good news, I think that there's going to be a Chinese tea cafe opening up on Bedford in Williamsburg. That means bubble tea, good coffee, finger foods, and chicken with condiments over rice.

It Absorbs Right Up

I got a huge mosquito bite on my hand. I can't move it, but I can still type.




Sable and I decided to make risotto last night with mushrooms and broccoli. Let me tell you how rich and creamy it was without anything really but chicken stock and wine. We went a little crazy with the wine and we just ended up eat wine coated rice. Still good, but definitely needs some tweaks.

The Power of Persuasion

A few days ago, I wrote a letter to the people at Trader Joe's asking if they would expand the store. Here is the original letter:

Name: Simone
Phone Number:
Your Trader Joe's: Union Square, NY
Email Address: xxxxxx@xxxx.com

Comments: Hey Trader Joe's!

I love your stores. I used to grow up near one in New York and now that
I live in Brooklyn, I frequent your Manhattan location all the time.
However, it would be really awesome if you expanded the store. I always
get stuck going on the days where it's crazy busy and super tight. I
think that might be everyday. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I love
your store and that expansion of your Manhattan store is a must. I mean,
you're located in one of the biggest cities in the world. Let's get on
this.

Thanks!

Simone

I just received the response:

Hi Simone,

Thank you for taking the time to contact us. We appreciate your
feedback regarding the Manhattan store. We will forward your comments to
our Real Estate Department for review. Here at Trader Joe's we are
always looking to improve and your comments help us to do that. So thank
you!!

Sincerely,
Tiffany
Trader Joes
Customer Relations

Yes! This just proves that things can get done if you're funny enough.

Food for Thought

Sable is having a pot-luck dinner at her house in Long Island this weekend. I'm pretty excited about it because I wanted to try this new recipe I found for a chocolate chocolate cookie and peanut butter filling sandwich cookie things.

Yeah, they sound that intense.

Also, I wanted to make something nice. I was thinking on the lines of a risotto with mushrooms and broccoli or mini quiche with those same veggies. Or I want to go really comforting with a beef stew or make a lentil and brown rice soup.

I've been really getting into the fooding lately. I think the whole idea of having a small kitchen and not very many means to make a delicious meal and then creating a delicious meal is interesting. Last night, I made bowtie pasta with mushrooms and shallots. The mushroom and shallots part I found in a recipe online. I kinda embellished it because I didn't remember where I read it and I only remember parts of it.

Soooo...it was still good. I think. I don't know how to judge if things I make are good or not since other people don't eat it. Everyone says that my food is only edible by me. Because it's alien food.

Combining Hobbies

I have a lot of hobbies. I don't know why, but I just start up something, get really into it, put it down for months to years, pick it up again, and the cycle continues.

And all these things I've always wanted to do for a living, but I don't know. No one wants someone who does these things as a hobby but someone who is dedicated to it.

If any career, I would be a good housewife.

My Hobbies:

• Playing violin
• Knitting
• Sewing
• Writing
• Reading
• Baking
• Cooking (this is new)
• Guitar
• Collages
• Cleaning (can that be a hobby?)

So, if you young gentleman need someone to be their housewife I am available for parties, dinners, and sometimes weddings.

Baking Evening!

I had off from work today so I baked. Took a long hiatus from this hobby. Not the best cookies in the world, but I like them. The two roommates liked them too.

Guvnah, You Reckon?

Weekends are always hard to explain through words. This weekend in particular was probably one of the best. It all ends this lovely Sunday evening with me sitting in front of my computer drinking a cup of water and anticipating the crack I'll hear when I open up "The Watchmen".

First, the unfurling of one huge American Flag.




Then off to Govenor's Island on Saturday with good friend, Kyle.





Incognito

I'm not good at being sleuth-y


Macro-ed


Every house on the island looked like this.

My hand was replaced by this leaf for a while. Didn't like it. Couldn't pick things up and didn't have any thumbs.

Kyle maps out our exploration.


Macro #2

Fun with My Colors




This empty swimming pool area had a crazy looking door that led to the scariest adventure ever.

Taken in the scary room. Luckily, we made it out.

Someone left those there...


"The Agony of Man" by Steel Neal

Goodnight, Guvnah.

Then it was Stephanie's boyfriend, Pete's, birthday. We hit up some bar and danced and played some odd games of pool.


"Two against one with do-overs."

Sable's dancing was something to be concerned about. Stephanie had 911 on speed dial.


Happy Birthday, Birthday Boy.

Billy Idol Rocks the Cradle of Love

YES!

A Little Hiatus

You will be glad to know that I am taking a hiatus for a bit. I'm working on some stories and I want to get them down and finished so that I can actually make some money submitting my stories to people.

There is one part that I really struggle with when I'm writing. Well, besides always having my stories turn out to be about love, I am also struggling with its believability. Do you need to believe that these things can happen to a person? I mean, most of these things never happened to me, but in my eyes it feels like you can definitely experience things like that. I mean, you always read about people going through such things and I tend to exaggerate moments of my life through my wild and vivid imagination.

So I will continue to write my stories (as they are fiction, I doubt people will have any objections to their believability). And I will let you know the news of my stories as they arise.

Right now, I'm working on three novels, four to five different short stories, and working on a themed book of short stories (mainly about breaking up and all the wrong moves to get your significant other back). You'll see. I'm optimistic and hopeful that this will work out.

ANNNDDDDD...if you have any contacts with any literary magazines that are looking for submissions, I will be more than gladly take their info and check them out. It will help me greatly to kick off my writing career (after 11 years of writing, I think I should start already).

I leave you with this:

Here's To Hoping

I've got used to the sound of your breathing
When you sleep so soundly next to me.
And what I say goes in one ear and out the other
And that's alright with me.

Oh hunter don't you know you're hunting me.
Sleep tightly, sleep nightly, sleep waiting there for me
To come around and find the way back to your cave
To figure out how to be brave.

And here's to hoping.
Take a shot from this bottomless glass
And pray to God and hope to Nod
That this drink will not and never be my last.

The Neverending Story Theme Song and Mannequin Theme Song Showdown

So the Neverending Story lost coolness points for this music video.



YES! Even though this song is amazing, it's also sung by Jefferson Starship. The same guys that wrote songs like "Alice" and "Don't You Want Somebody to Love." The movie still stands to be amazing. The band completely lost all coolness points.

Oompa Loompas

me: why can't i be like violet beauregard

minus the snobbery

presencenprogrss: fat and purple?

me: no. motivated

presencenprogrss: oh right

Spending the day strolling

I love the fall in the city. I also love the fact that I am experiencing it in a different part of the city. The weather is cool and the leaves and turning their golden colors and the sky is setting in its golden colors. I love this season. It makes me hopeful for new things and good things. I can't explain it.

The challenge between me and my friend rob is going well. We give each other progress reports and the challenge has given me renewed energy. Our chapters are due next weekend.

Yay.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Sundays always seem a little tainted. I think this is mostly due to the fact that Monday is work day and us working people start to think about the things that need to be done at work.

Crunch numbers
Make charts
Write in Spreadsheets
Give detailed reports

And everyday I go in and I have to work. Work is work. There's no creativity involved.
On a lighter note, it is Sunday and I want to embark on an old favorite of mine: Brunch.

Like last evening's tour of New York wasn't bad enough. I'm going to go get brunch.

At least there will be coffee and crunchy homefries.

What Just Happened

Yesterday I woke up exhausted and pretty much went about my day like a zombie.

Then I got home, changed into my pjs and read in bed.

Then, I fell asleep at 8PM.

Now, it is 10.30AM. I have no idea how I did it but it was not the best night of sleep either.

My Dream To Become A Reality

Who wants to teach me how to play guitar?
Who wants to start up a band?
Who wants to write songs about lamenting ex-boyfriends?
Who wants to make poor decisions and become a musician with me?

Singer/songwriters wanted for extreme guitar lessons to a Classically trained Violinist.

I rock out the violin. You rock out the guitar. We make music. We become famous. End of story.

Let's do this.

My Name is Pearl

I went to Scott's show tonight with Sable. It was a bunch of folk artists trying to make folk music in a bar in South Slope. It was interesting.


Scott looks pissed when he performs.

Then on the way home, I watched this troupe of fellow musicians walk onto the train, turn on a microphone and begin passing the mic around to any able-bodied musician and talented person on the train. This guy hosted and read some of his poetry.

This girl sang "Whatever Lola Wants" and did a strip tease. May I also add that this was on the subway?

In the end, I went home. It's getting chilled out and I'm starting to look more and more like a homeless person with every layer I put on.
See, that's there homeless Simone. She's a customer service rep.

A Few Lines From "Stranger Than Fiction"

As Harold took a bite of Bavarian sugar cookie, he finally felt as if everything was going to be ok. Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies. And, fortunately, when there aren't any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin, or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention hospital gurneys and nose plugs, an uneaten Danish, soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives. I know the idea seems strange, but I also know that it just so happens to be true. And, so it was, a wristwatch saved Harold Crick.

I Used to Model

A couple of years ago, I had a friend who was working on becoming a great makeup artist. She had invited a few of us (this is when I used to work for MTV News as an intern) for sangrias and a tiny makeover. That was a few years ago. I went to her website now, and I'm the only one left on there from her portfolio. Of course, now she's bulked up her portfolio a lot and doing a great job in Las Vegas. I'm just surprised this photo is still in there.

Don't I look purdy?

Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

MOUNT EERIE CONCERTS (all all ages)

September 18th- New York, NY- Bowery Ballroom, 6 Delancey St. (16+) $15 (with WHY?)

Fri. Sept. 19th- Brooklyn, NY- Lutheran Church of the Messiah, 129 Russell St @ Nassau, Greenpoint (G-Nassau or L-Graham), 8pm, $8, info (with Julie Doiron and Calm Down, It’s Monday)

So I completely thought it was September, but it's October and I feel like an idiot and wish I WENT!

FUCK

I Got This Cough That Makes Me Cough Blood

That title means nothing, btw. I do have a cough, but I think it might be the beginning of a head cold. Night after night, I wake up to the weird sounds that occur in the dark.

Sable understands what I go through now. She slept over because she had orientation at the place where I work. We went in together and since I work there it was just convenient.

She heard the sounds. "I couldn't even sleep last night. It was so freakin' loud."

I think I found the reason for my terrible sleeping habits.