It seems like this is the only acceptable place to go if you want to win big in arts and crafts. What kind of arts and crafts? Well, anything from felt pins to publishing novels. England wins it all. You can go ahead and live in England, be a waif, and still make like $40,000 a year just by crocheting doilies or making delicious buttermilk pancakes.
Seriously, England is the land for haberdashery AND being a housewife with a pretty lucrative income.
God, I'm in the wrong country.
Friday
I'm Moving to England
Wednesday
Monday
"I Don't Know..."
"What don't you know," I asked. I could feel my fingers begin to sweat. I rubbed the tips of them across my palm to remove the sweat, but there was no way to stop it.
"I don't know how much longer I can last here," she said quietly.
I watched her head slump down and her hands touch her face. She wasn't crying. She never does. She just put her forefingers and middle fingers together and up to her temples. She started to rub. I hated when she does that. She proceeded to move one hand down to the arm of her chair. She kept her two fingers up towards her temple like the barrels of an invisible gun; she was just dying to pull the trigger.
"Aren't you happy?"
"Are you?"
"Yes. Are you?"
She paused. She hesitated. I can see the cogs of her brain working more and more. Why is she doing this? Why is she acting this way? There's no understanding to it. I have no understanding or idea or description or anything. I have done nothing wrong. I never do anything right for her. I don't do things the way I should. Maybe I should stop smoking. Maybe I should stop spending so much time away from her. I haven't been home in the past few days. Could it be she's lonely? Or perhaps she's done with me. Is this what this conversation is about?
"Are you done with me? Is this what this conversation is about?" I asked firmly.
She giggled. For the first time today, I saw the irresistible smile. "No. Never. I want you to be happy. I want to be happy. It's not the relationship that causes me pain. I don't know what does. I love you. I want you to know that. It's just this place. No place feels like home to me anymore."
She paused again, "I'm tired. Let's go to bed. We'll talk some more in the morning."
We laid down. I held her close. I tickled her nose with mine and we fell asleep.
The next morning, I woke up to an empty bed. Her side was still mussed and warm, but her things were gone. Her books, her clothes, her laptop. She was gone. I quickly got up. "Charlotte?" I shouted. "Charlotte?" She never responded.
I felt the tears begin to form. I can feel my heart begin to have that aching feeling you get when you miss your home for too long. I walked silently back to my room. There was a manilla envelope on my desk. It laid still on top of my laptop. The envelope said nothing on it. It wasn't even sealed.
I opened it.
There was a payment for $45 for the electric bill.
There was a payment for $15 for the gas bill.
There was a payment for $104 for the cable bill.
Each payment came with a letter stating the closing of the account under the name Charlotte Brendan. I sank to my knees. The tears started to drip down my face and at that point, I didn't care if I looked like a little schoolgirl with a scraped shin. She took her bills, she took her books, she took her clothes and her perfume and her hair conditioner and left one thing behind.
She left me.
Friday
Seek And You Shall Find
If you know me well, you know that I attract the strangest people ever. It's not that I seek out the strangest person I can find and go talk to them, but it's as if there's an invisible sign on my forehead that says "Psychos Welcome".
- I think has happened the entirety of my life. I remember a friend from my old job at Plaster Funhouse when I was in high school. She ended up going to a mental institution.
- My best friend in high school got heavy into drugs and got kicked out of college because she tried to commit suicide.
- The group of friends I made over the years (high school, college, work, etc).
- All my ex-boyfriends.
- The random amounts of people I meet in the park, cafes, lonely places whenever I travel and see the city.
And so the only reason why I'm really telling you all this information is because I want more. I want more adventures and more crazy people and more conversations with muslims about religion while I wait for the bus. I want more guys who come all the way to America from Israel to make a living for his family back home. I want more people to come, sit down next to me and tell me all I would ever need to know about Hepatitis C. I want groups of performing artists to jump onto a train and ask people in the car to perform for them. I want it all.
I've had a heavy addiction to coffee lately. I think I'm going through withdrawl symptoms for people who excite and interest me. I've been lacking in my connection with the human race. Let it be 20 mins or a friendship that lasts 20 years. I want it all.
Thursday
Tuesday
Monday
I'm Writing Again!
"Have you ever had those days where you feel like it's time for you to move on?" I said. My hair folded over my cup of tea as I took slow sips. The water burned the roof of my mouth and the tip of my tongue.
"I feel it calling me in the air tonight," he said.
"Was that suppose to be a joke?" I asked.
"Was it funny?"
"Not really."
"Then, no."
To be continued...
Saturday
Friday
Wednesday
McDonald's And A Bad Night's Sleep
I ate McDonald's french fries with my lunch. While in the middle of a fry, I remembered the last time I ate McDonald's. It wasn't very long ago and that thought alone frightens me (I fear fast food, now). Last time, I ate:
10-piece Chicken McNuggets
1-Medium fries
1-Large coke
And immediately after eating all of that I went to bed. Then, had the worst night of sleep in my entire life. Why this didn't come to me earlier when I was in the van with my coworker getting the McDonald's surprised me. I don't want to have nightmares and a bad night's sleep again. I'm already not sleeping enough. I thought if I finish up all my good nutritious food that I packed for lunch, it will be ok.
Never, will I ever eat from McDonald's again no matter how lazy I am to make dinner.
Dilemmas
1) Moral dilemma: my coworker came up to me and said these exact same words. Actually, the entire phrase was, "I think I'm in a moral dilemma."
"What?" I take my earbud out of my ear, "I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"I said I'm in a moral dilemma."
"Oh really. What's the dilemma?"
"A kid I knew in high school just recently died and they are having a fundraiser to install a park bench downtown and it would stay there for 30 years. The thing is I never particularly liked this guy and I kinda don't want to go."
"Oh. That is a moral dilemma."
"Yeah."
2) Life dilemma: I have been rethinking my life again. Yes, I know I do this often and always revert back to what I love, but this time feels like its going to be a serious goal. I'm thinking really hard on going into book publishing. I know this is a really hard field to break into and I have friends who have been trying for months to catch a break but haven't. I think I would be happy as a book editor. It will give me time to go home and do what I love and it will also give me something to look forward to everyday: work.
I think my time is up. I want to move on and I think into the book publishing business might be it. I won't be quitting any time soon, but hopefully we'll bounce back from this recession and I will finally have the right place at the right time. I think I'll finally catch my break.
Who knows, if I go into book publishing I might have to move to england...
One last side note: I've been invited to go to Florida by two different people during the month of february. I definitely want to go, but which one? Perhaps there will be a third offer in my future which will trump all my other options but who knows. Both of these trips can fall through and I'll end up alone on valentines day in the coldest city in the world.
Tuesday
Thursday
Tuesday
Once bitten...
Oh, that sounds awesome.
Monday
I Wish I Had Your Scarf Still That Once Embraced and Kept Me Warm
Fixed up my etsy shop. Go there and buy things!!!!
My new project!
Kyle's scarf is coming out well! Frogged 8 times, finally sticking to this one.
Excuse me, can you please point me to the direction of your dime bags?
I've been doing a little bit of research on packaging and things like that, and I figure I can find a fairly large "dime bag" for packaging.
Then, I realized that dime bags are flippin' hard to find.
Geez!
Sunday
3-Stories Design Has a New Name
My cousins and I have decided to go into business together selling cute little trinkets at a local flea market. We had a dinner to discuss it all. Here are some photos.
I made some homemade buttermilk biscuits. I still have that quart of buttermilk. I need to do something with it.
We decided to make beer can chicken where a beer would be shoved up the wahzoo of a chicken and cooked until yummy.
It looks a little unnatural.
Finally, Grace surprised us with fuzzy earmuffs for Christmas. They are so warm.
Friday
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
