The Best Thing I've Heard in a Year

Z: simone

i know we don't talk much

but i have to admit

that as a person

i really love you

and i hope this message brightens your day

Dreams

I know it's a little far fetched, but I want one of those "happy endings". Where the guy comes around to finally figuring out that he does love me and all my little quirks and catches me right before I board the plane to some foreign country that will take me away from him forever. He comes up to me, confesses his deep-rooted love, and I give into it. We kiss. End scene.

I guess my musical choice this morning is making seriously hopeful. That's what I need in my life. Don't mope around me! I'm in a good mood!

Feels Like Christmas Morning

I woke up today in not such a great mood. Actually, I've had a nervous stomach all week and probably won't get over it until next weekend.

I finally feel like things have slowed down a bit and I'm grateful for that. Maybe it still is moving as fast as lightning but I know my troubles now and I know my problems. I should take the measures to keep myself from feeling like the end of the world is coming, but I'm not sure how long this feeling will last.

I think my major problem is that I saved my days off. I didn't take a day for myself to reflect and think and just be myself. I worked 9-5 everyday. I need to stop that. So whenever I feel over-stressed, I'm definitely going to be taking a day off just to reboot. Especially this summer. 3-day weekends. That's enough time for me.

As for today, I feel a sense of renewed hope in my life. Perhaps it's because of all that I accomplished last night with my felt pins. Perhaps its because today I feel like things will get better.

I wrote some on the bus this morning:

"Love doesn't die. It moves from one person to the next. What you feel for someone right now will manifest again in someone else. You can't control who you love, but you should be grateful for the fact that you can do it especially if you can love more than one person. It is not the very end of things. It isn't the final settling point. No, love can evolve and change and be different. And perhaps love will be different for all of us but the great thing is that it is always around to say 'Everything will be alright.'"

Why Do You Always Care?

I don't care. I just can't stop thinking.

Please stop. For me, just please stop thinking.

I can't stop. I just can't.

I'm Questioning

Are things the same or are they different? Ever since I got back from Paris, I feel like an entire year has gone by. Are the dreams the same? Are the people the same? Is the world different.

I think that every time I travel to see a new country or continent, I tend to find myself changing. I feel different.

I don't know what to think. Everything seems different these past few days. I don't know what's happening.

The Things I Thought Were True Feels Like A Lie Now

Maybe dreams don't come true.

You Need To Finally Understand

She will be the only one who will ever love you and care for you.
And all you'll do
Is throw it all away on a hunch.

Highlights of Paris

I got back finally!

I'm working on a zine of my experience in Paris. You won't see stuff from that for a little while as I'm still working on stuff for Renegade. Hopefully, I'll have enough as well as enough lemonade to feed India.

Here are some highlights:

Trips to Travel

For some reason, I feel like traveling is all I want to do sometimes. My mom used to tell me that I should be a singer in a band or a musician of some sort and for some reason that thought lingered in my brain throughout my day and throughout my trip in Paris. What if I was a singer and just traveled the world with a group of guys playing shows and getting boo-ed off stage and seeing things I would never normally see sitting at a desk in the office.

Who wants to start a band with me?

These are the moments you stay awake for.
These are the dreams you pray for.
These are the things you hope for.
And when you get these things,
When you stop your search,
You wish the memories would just fade away.

I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane

Going to Paris. I'll be mobile blogging.

Feeling Frisky

Do you know what I hate more than arrogant artists? Actually, no. There's nothing more than an arrogant artist to put you in a bad mood.

My office is doing a photoshoot today and they needed help. All I can hear them saying is "We have to blow up these balloons by hand?"

Of course, I harness the answer. I helpfully walk over to the conversation saying "actually, there is a machine in the warehouse you can use to blow up the balloons."

They look at me with disdain. And I say to myself, "WTF!"

I just helped them from searching for a couple of extra minutes from their shoot to blow up balloons. I was being thoughtful and nice since I already had the answer! And they look at me like "who are you to come up to us and talk to us?"

I felt like Anne Hathaway in Devil Wears Prada.

Anyway, this just brings up the fact that a lot of people are like that. Sable complains about this girl who gives her a look of disdain and I get this disdained face all the time. What is with the world these days! I just wanted to say hi, be helpful, thoughtful. I'm not asking for much.

Ugh. That's it. I'm going to Paris.

I Sometimes Hate My Bangs

Something I drew to be put together as a print soon.

I've Gone a Year Without Seeing the Light

I was talking to Sable last night when I realized something. I lived an entire year in a room with no natural light. A year. I went from seeing beautiful mornings through two windows in my old house to seeing nothing and my personality has changed.

I struggle to be happy. Struggle. I'm always stressed and never calm anymore. I never dress appropriately for the weather outside (I'm wearing flip flops today and it's raining). People that I know and know me think that I really need some sun even though I spend days outside running errands. My room is a mess and it irks me a little it but I've grown to be so passive about it that I don't care anymore. Everything I own is inside a small bedroom besides a couch and a few books and dvds.

I really need to get some more space with fresh air and not the stagnant smell of God knows what I get whenever I walk through the door. I'll be out of there soon, but I'm not banking on my happiness to follow. Living in darkness has made me very aware that not every dream comes true.

Speaking of birds...

Must. Finish. Birdcages!

I am so behind on my schedule and I'll be leaving in a week for Paris.
No time for sleep which I desperately need as I fell asleep at my desk
yesterday. Real professional.

They Didn't Know I Was Fearless

I have been cooking a lot lately. I've been trying different recipes and pushing myself a little bit further each time. Granted, I haven't reached the chocolate souffle or braised lamb but I think I will eventually.

I was talking about this with a friend the other day. I enjoy cooking. I love experimenting and taking recipes online that I find and working them so they work for me. Baking is an even tougher challenge.

A couple of months ago, I was invited to a New Year's Eve potluck and I had made the most decadent flourless chocolate cake. First, it was a challenge for me to use the spring form pan, then it was a challenge to slowly pour hot melted chocolate into an egg mixture without coming out with scrambled eggs. Then, it was even tougher to just transport the thing from my mom's house in queens to my friend's house at the bottom of brooklyn. Either way, it was the best tasting thing I've ever made.

That was until I made mashed potatoes for the first time. It didn't take much. I feel like I follow the "whatever your tongue says" rule. A pinch of salt, a dash of pepper, a couple of blurps from a carton of chicken stock and milk. I didn't measure. I just tasted and tried and it turned out delicious. This reminds me of this other time when I tried to make my own tomato sauce and it came out tasting disgusting. But with a little bit of finagling and some herbs and spices, it actually came out pretty tasty.

The reason why I bring this up is because I'm preparing myself to make flan tonight. Although it sounds easy enough (carmelize sugar, mix together condensed milk and eggs, bake in oven for an hour), I have never carmelized sugar or actually bake anything that requires me to flip the cake over when its done (how nerve-racking!) However, I feel a sense of calm over the whole situation because of the movie trailer above.

I had recently made some shrimp scampi over buttery, garlicky thin spaghetti for dinner (I made two servings, I ate both) and was watching some movie trailers online when I came across this one. A movie about Julia Child and Julie Powell's blog The Julie/Julia Project. For some really odd reason, I feel confident enough to do whatever I want whenever I want without the idea of screwing it up or failing. And here's the reason: it's because I am doing it for my own personal satisfaction. Because I want to wake up in the morning and say that I did this and that and brag and whine and tell people who give me bad customer service, "do you know who I am?"

Obviously this feeling isn't for food alone, but everything I do. Hopefully one day, I hope to be doing all my work in a pair of flip flops and a dirty led zep t-shirt I found in a bargain bin out in my backyard shed. Yes, that makes me sound like the unibomber, but I'll be killing crafts instead of people.

Seriously The Best Themed Wedding I've Seen So Far

If it didn't cost you your life to become a wedding planner, I would do it in a heartbeat.

I'm not in any place to get married, but I love weddings. I love the bride and the groom and the colors and the wedding cake (and the groom's cake hidden in the carport. "It's in the shape of a giant armadillo").

Anyway, I'm starting to read Martha Stewart's Magazine online when I stumbled across its sister site and magazine Martha Stewart Weddings and maybe peed a bit in my pants.

Just perusing, I found the best themed wedding I've seen so far in my life. It's for a couple named Minhee and Truman. Here is a little bio on how they met from the site:

In fourth grade, most boys are more interested in teasing girls than being friends with them. But even at age 9, Truman Cho knew there was something he liked about Minhee Park, his classmate at Laguna Road Elementary School in Fullerton, California. The two stayed friends throughout high school and college but it was not until 1997 (14 years after they first met) that Truman asked Minhee out on a date.

So that's how they themed their wedding on: what would have happened if Truman got the balls to talk to Minhee when they were in 4th grade. Every detail is perfect from the wedding invitations to the chalkboard and named place settings.

I love weddings.

New Summer, Old Stuff

Dumpster diving seems very dangerous these days. Since this epidemic of bed bugs going around in the area, people are very cautious of what they pick up off the street. It sucks because sometimes I see some great pieces that would look so great in my apartment if I just buffed it up and gave it a new coat of paint.

However, until the epidemic is less...epidemic I'm going to just dumpster dive at my office. What did I find today? Well, I need some cardboard for my birdcages which I am still in the process of putting together and I found some pretty large pieces of foam board which are obviously scrap pieces they are throwing away. Psh! That stuff is expensive and there are great pieces being thrown away! Whatever...

After doing a little bit of digging, I took what I wanted and going to set home carrying awkwardly large pieces of foam board and cardboard boxes.

I've been reading this blog called Design*Sponge a lot and getting some great ideas about how to turn crap into flap...that doesn't rhyme or make sense. Either way, I want to make this the project of the summer.

The project is: take all my old crap and turn it into new crap. I feel like I'll probably end up furnishing my entire apartment this way, but maybe I'll eve have some stuff to make for Renegade or for my etsy and of course Artists and Fleas

This morning I woke up frantic and stressed, but right now I feel hopeful and driven. It could be the sun. It could be my skirt. It could be that I'm drinking a pepsi at 10 in the morning because I'm too lazy to go out and buy a cup of coffee (I work away from the conventions of normal society).

And yes, I like name dropping...

Encouragement/Nourishment

Keep it solid
Play it straight
Toe the line

Yesterday I...

1) made a delicious shrimp scampi
2) not worked on my zine or birdcages


And the laziness consumes me...

Solid Months of Nothing But Work

I haven't taken a day off since February. My vacation is coming up in two weeks and I'm so exhausted that I don't really care.

I finished a birdcage last night and they kind of look like Vietnamese holding cells or something like that. Either way, I like them. They are too big for my origami birds, but that's ok. I'll use the birds for something else.

Tonight will be making more supplies to make my birdcages and finishing my second zine. No one has given me any artwork as of yet so nothing but paintings and pictures I find will be going in.

And then I'm going to make a shorter one also half the size called "You Guys Suck". That will all happen tonight.

I guess I will take photos of these. It's going to be a long night.

Sigh. Life is hard when you're trying to make an impact.

My Personal Disdain

I'm so tired today. I have my allergies making me all runny all day long and I have customer after customer calling me about things that I can't help them with. I cannot bend the rules any further!

Because It Freaks My Sister Out Part II

Morels. Actually, these freak me out a bit too.