No internets

Starting tomorrow, I won't have internet at home until July 11th, so the amount of posts coming in will decrease a bit (like anyone is actually reading this thing so it doesn't matter).

Anyway, it will be a fun move. See ya in a week.

Sunday: What To Do?

Bed! Bouncy Bouncy Bouncy!!!

Again! Again! Again!

I'm pretty!

I'm not so pretty!

The only time in my life where I say "Fuck it" to cleaning my room: when I move.

Her name is shadow and I love her!

I've Got No Trust In You

In my head, nothing is the way you say it is.

In real life, everything is the same.

Why Can't They Be That Way Forever

I've been watching High School Musical 3. A lot.

Like a lot lot.

Like clinically insane a lot.

And I can't get enough of it. The main part though is why do those actors have to go back to being real humans? Why can't they just be those characters...forever?

They seem so much cooler in the movie than they do in real life. I think that they should be like that or at least cast people that are like that in real life and not booby-tassle wearing girls and boys.

Yes, boys wear booby-tassles.

I'm sick. I think the drugs are getting to me.

Trying to Write

As I'm sitting here being sick, I thought it would be a good idea to take the time and try to write...anything.

And nothing. Nothing really comes to mind. Sometimes I feel like a drunk sitting at a bar in a hotel waiting for the bartender to mix my next drink. I'm sitting there and sulking in whatever misery I've come up with and wondering where my life went. What happened?

I rub the skin between my eyebrows and realize I'm doing the furrow that my mother does so often. People say life is hard when you don't know what you want to do with your life. I find that knowing what you want, but not having that boost of motivation or creativity to do it is worse.

Why am I so committed to writing the Next Greatest American Novel when I should be more concerned with "what will pay my bills?"

And I have all the normal excuses. I'm not in the zone. I can't write at home. I'm too busy pre-occupied with everything and everyone else in my life that sitting down to write two words is too much work.

Also, I spend a damn long amount of time writing journal entries about how much I can't write when I can. I spend my time making crafty things when I should be concentrating on what my character will do next. What will make my character a real person rather than the person that runs through my head?

Well, the bartender just passed me my next drink and my head is starting to spin.

Uber Sick

Yesterday I ended my day with a sore throat. Now, I'm not sure if I'm sweating because I'm sick or because I'm wearing a massive sweatshirt.

My throat still hurts as well as all the glands around my face.
My hands are swollen and I can't type very well.
My head aches, but I assumed it's because of a lack of water in my system.

I passed out last night at 9PM and woke up at 6AM.

I'm always reluctant to call out of work because my job entails that I be there in order for things to run smoothly. This week is no exception especially with a massive amount of inventory being transfered out of our store and into another. Also, the website people are coming to show us the wireframe to the new site.

Also, I'm moving next week and I have to get started on packing but I don't know if I can do that with my ills. But I should stay home and give myself the day to rest because if I don't, then I will get worse. What should I do? I always flip a coin in these instances or talk to my mom but I'm not sure if it's necessary at this point. I think I should just stay home.

I'm so thirsty. I think I'm going to grab myself some water.

Love It

Can't help myself.

Rain. Read.

I'm not sure if it's laziness or if I'm just taking a break, but I can't seem to get myself to create anything other than a mess of my sheets. Normally, when I get home I would make a quick meal and then sit in front of my computer and make something out of felt or paper and ink or even cardboard.

But lately, I've just been sitting in my bed with some watermelon and reading my books. God, I miss reading. I miss turning pages and sitting in parks and on the bus by myself with a good novel and a good iced coffee. I've been so busy since Christmas that I haven't really had the chance to sit down and read and now that I do, I've been reading like crazy.

The great thing about reading is that it really turns on my writing. I feel empowered by all those other writers to write myself. Perhaps something along the lines of someone who is struggling with the next step in her life? I don't know yet.

Basically, that is what my summer is going to be dedicated to. Reading, decorating my new apartment, and making things out of repurposed materials. Once it gets nice outside and I don't feel so overwhelmed by work, I'm going to go to more garage sales and the Salvation Army to pick up trinkets to make into "works of art."

I'm still struggling with the idea of being an artist. Perhaps it might be because I'm really just a writer. Perhaps its because I haven't thought to combine my writing with my art yet. Maybe that's the missing link?

Who knows. All I know is that it is the start of another day. I'm drenched with rain and in hopes someone will want to buy iced coffee.

Oh My Love

I'm kinda pooped creatively right now. I've just been staying home and reading "Eclipse" (the third book in the Twilight Saga) and eating things I can make in five minutes.

I was talking to my sister yesterday about our plans for moving and what we'll take and what we need to buy and I didn't realize that in my head, I have the whole thing planned out already.

I'm so self sufficient (and bored) that I already know what goes where and what I'll need and even the color paint I want to get to paint my room into a rainforest/ocean type theme. I'm a loser.

How To Practice Your First Kiss

I'm so afraid to bump into you.
But I see little bits and pieces of you everywhere I go.
And when I'm not around, I go to many places
And look for your face, look for you so.

And in my heart I know that I'm just bluffing,
And the sounds drift from my voice to the sky.
Hopefully someday these words they will find you
Hopefully someday they will feel more than just a lie.

Cuz I hope that one day these wounds they'll be a healin'
And the words won't cut me so much as they do
But when the day comes you finally realize it
I'm afraid that I will be finally over you.

Working on Zine #3

Am I a little bit over my head with this? I feel like a fraud, yet again. Mainly because I feel like I should leave this up to the professionals. I'm a writer, not a creative. What I see is what I like and not the "deeper meaning" or whatever bullshit artists come up with when painting a big black dot in the middle of a canvas.

In all honesty, what does it mean? What does it mean to be an artist or a writer or anything for that matter? Will it keep my focus? Will it keep me from completely blocking out all creative endeavors to follow the path that many others have followed? Will I die at the 9-5?

These are questions I can't have answered by anyone. Most people will go ahead and say that it is something that I need to figure out myself. People read. People like what they read. People like what they read from me but is it enough to finally figure out what I'm suppose to do with my life?

The second zine will probably be released after the third one. Yeah, I know. A little bit backwards, but I feel a bit backwards. I feel like this should all be left in the hands of people who went to the proper schooling and know exactly what they are doing. This has been something I've been doing for the entirety of my life. Keeping notebooks and journals and writing, collaging, and mixing together my thoughts and ideas to fill notebook after notebook with things that no one would give a damn to read.

Yet I'm here. Writing this thing. I don't even want to call it its proper name because I feel like a fraud doing that as well.

oh well.

Time is Money. Money Can Kiss My Ass

I finally got my first threat to be reported to the Better Business Bureau in quite some time at the Day Job. Times they are a rough and even milking a company for money has become the new low.

Anyway, it still always puts me in a foul mood even if I'm right and they are just...well, let's not mention them.

i'm starting to feel a bit under the weather. I don't think it's anything real to worry about, but my main question is: is mac and cheese with hot dogs a good food for a cold?

Why do I ask? It's because it's my dinner tonight.

Ooohh. yeah. Dieting on mac and cheese, zycam, and emergen-C!

Are You There, Ja? It's Me Ras-Trent

I love this video! The funny thing about it is that it's filmed at my Alma Mater (oh God, I can't believe I said that.) Fordham University at Lincoln Center.

Hahah...Remember when I was a journalism major? Yeah, where did that go? Oh, into felt pins shaped like food.

New Craft Project: Amigurumi

Should I dive into this tedious process?

Tired, Exhausted, Thirsty for Blood?

Overslept this weekend.
Overslept today.

My brain has been going crazy with scenarios in my head of the worst case. My imagination is running away with me and I need to control it.

I'm going to have to start writing again. Sigh.

Dead bird at ikea

This is like a chicken!

Je Ne Regrette Rien

I watched La Vie En Rose (the biopic on Edith Piaf) and I loved it. I loved every single moment of it. It was fantastic.

I couldn't stop listening to Edith Piaf for the rest of the night. I got my hands dirty in prints and sewing. I'm almost there! Just one more day of work and I'll be done finally!!!!!

Oh, btw, RENEGADE TOMORROW OMFG!

watch

Her life went down a spiral and caved in before she even turned 50. And guess what? She doesn't flippin' care.

Welcome to 2AM

These are the last of the felt pins I'll need to make for renegade. I'll finish these tonight as the next two nights will be dedicated to printing. Since I will probably have no time to make displays, I'm going to Ikea on friday to buy them. Oh well.

I'm Contemplating Staying Home Today

i have yet to finish off the felt pins. i still need to make prints, and then work on displays for renegade. I don't think I'm going to make it unless i take a day off of work and just work through the day. perhaps i'll go to work today and take off tomorrow? either way, i will need a day at least to finish these.

I'm In Love With Zachary Quinto

There is something about the bad boy that just thrills me. I've always been attracted to them and they to me. Why this? I don't know. I'm not an easy catch in any sense of the word.

Yeah. But what are the types of guys that like? Definitely the nerdy bookish ones like Rick Moranis. What kind of guys do I end up with: some sort of bad boy kinda musician-esque pot smoking kid who is kinda smart in their own way and gives off like bad boy vibes when no one is looking but when they turn around, it's just some "whatever, dude" that walks by.

hmmm...doesn't change anything though. i want zachary quinto to be my husband.

This Week is Going to Be Tight

I'm freaking out a little bit. Mainly because I don't think I'll be ready by Saturday and Sunday, but I can always take a day off or something just to finish things up.

I have a million things to do before this weekend and hopefully it will all get done. I don't make these things in order to sell them off. I make them because I like them and hopefully other people will like them too. However, the objective is to make money (as always) so I'm pretty sure I'll lose out than gain.

Wish me luck.

Go to Renegade Craft Fair in McCarren Park!

Help Wanted:

♫ if you would like to slave away sewing and printing for some cookies or cupcakes this week, inquire within.

i most definitely need some help with the sewing or i'm not going to make it!